This is The Bank calling.....your payment is 5 minutes late!

I might be wrong, but since the Banks reduced various fees, such as late fees, I have been getting calls the day after the monthly payment is due.

Used to get a letter, or even better a note on the Statement a few weeks later.

This happened this morning. It is fair dinkum, and I have rushed the story out before I forget the details.

My phone rings:


ROB: Hello.

BANK: Is this Robert Mckibbin?

ROB: No. This is Rob McKibbin.

BANK: Rob McKibbin? Can I speak to Robert McKibbin please?

ROB: No.

BANK: No?

ROB: No. I’m Rob McKibbin. But you can call me Robert.

BANK: Robert, can I confirm your date of birth please?

ROB: What’s yours?

BANK: What?

ROB: What's your date of birth?

BANK: But I need your date of birth.

ROB: Me too.

BANK: I need to verify your identity.

ROB: Me too. You could be anybody mate. A nutjock. A cuckoo. A bloody terrorist. Anybody.

BANK: I am calling from the Bank.

ROB: No you’re not. You're calling from India.

BANK: I am calling from the Bank about your account. This is urgent.

ROB: Don’t care. I don’t know you. I’m not giving you my personal details.

BANK: Robert, can I have your date of birth please?

ROB: Yours first please.

BANK: Robert. I need to discuss your account.

ROB: I don’t. What is your phone number.

BANK: Robert, I am calling from the Bank and I..........

ROB: Look mate. I don’t know who you are. You have told me jack shite about yourself. I'm gonna hang up. You are so rude.

BANK: Robert, I need to verify your date of birth.

ROB: I’m not sure which particular word you don’t understand, BUT, I’m bustin for a crap, I got the hangover from hell, and I don’t need some pinhead calling me up in the morning wanting to know when I was born. Adios.

CLUNK

Better check to make sure that thirty-eight bucks went through!